Gothic Olympics

Ok this is the summer edition of the Gothic Olympics, where competitors
from  around the globe will gather at their computers to compete for fame
and fortune.
Hello everyone my name is Simmyqux and I will be your host of the 1st
Gothic Olympics.  We have several events planned for the next couple of
weeks to test the limits of Gothic endurance and stamina.  Todays feature
event is power moping.  For those of you not familiar with this event a
little explination is in order. Power moping is held in a club like
atmosphere with 7 other competitors.  The object of this is to look
completely depressed (through the use of body language, skillfull ordering
of toxic adult beverages, and other minute details) for 4 minutes in the
short program and 10 in the semi-finals.  Today in the prelims we have 2
competitors we really have to watch for,  Boris Talvichek from the Former
Soviet Union and Alan Sedgewick from the U.K.  Both of these competitors
have held the number one position in "Goth illustrated" and the moping
should be prime in todays event.  Now down to the action.
All the contestants are entering the club,    Aaaaand there they go. Boris
sets out with a brutal opening by immediatly going fetal in the corner, 
Alan will have to come up with somthing quickly to counter and he does
with the classic but still effective
sitting-on-the-steps-with-head-in-hands move.  The other entrants are
showing well with Finland scoring points for a wonderful display of
putting the hands in the pockets while aimlessly wandering. Beautiful
execution, I can't wait to see what the finals are going to be like.  Well
time is just about up..........Buzzzzzz.  And now we go to the judges
table to get the scores, and I think, yes Boris has come out on top in
this round of power moping with a score of 5.675. Let's go down for an
Boris what can you tell us about this evenings competition?
"Well, I knew that Alan was going to be tough so I had to get out early
with a good move and I just got lucky with the fetal position, it really
caught the judges eye. And then just before the round ended I started
drooling and gave one of my eyes a slightly off center set with a glassed
over appearance and I think that's what put me over the top."
Do you have any surprises left for the finals?
"Yeah, I've got this new costume prepared that I feel will up my introvert
score and allow me to get what I need out of my depression.  Hope it will
be enough to win"
Thank you Boris, and good night to all of you out there.  Please join us
tomorrow on the Goth Broadcasting Network for further coverage of the 1st
Goth Olympics.

(The preceding was a brief creative spurt at 3 in the morning, please
overlook all typos and send all ideas for events to AG) Thank you.


Thanks to TSM and {exile} for these events culled from alt.gothic:
New additions: Newer additions, thanks to Marcus Pan and Ben Hardy:
Commentary thanks to Eric, Josh, C-ko, Peter, Heather, and Jill:

John Tesh: "He's got a good mope going here, OH he's cracked a smile that's gunna cost him at least a tenth of a point..."

Tim Dagget: "Now, in the compulsories, each has to do their best bored 3by3 dance to 'Love Will tear Us Apart'."

"This athlete excels in arrogant disdain of the other competitors"

"Tragic news for the olympic Goth community...the team members for Estonia we discovered not be using heroin and were immediately stripped of their medals and banned from further competition."

Events would include

Goth Dancing: (compulsories and individuals..."looks like he's going to attempt a double Eldritch with a Murphy twist...very high degree of difficulty. If you remember he had a bad fall and flattened his hair during the reverse layout Fiend..."

Moping: "nice style on the angst-ridden look, but she's gunna have to stick the collapse to be in medal contention..."

Perking: uses springboard floor.

Swimming: There's nothing more patheitc than a soggy goth, and it'd be amusing to watch competitors try and stay afloat with all that jewelry.

Back to my gothpage or email me suggestions on new events.